11 Memorable Ass Whoopings in the History of Film1

By B.Z., Mar 31, 2010 in Infamous, Pop Culture

11 Memorable Ass Whoopings in the History of Film

We can all appreciate a good fight scene. Even when you know the good guy’s going to win, there’s nothing like the action, the suspense and, let’s face it, the gratuitous violence a good exchange of blows can bring to a film. But great fight scenes are a dime a dozen. What about the one-sided, flat-out ass whoopings? There’s a pretty gnarly one that sets the tone for the KoldCast original series, “Infamous”. Sometimes these pummel scenes represent the low point for our soon-to-be-resurgent and triumphant protagonist. Other times, it’s the hero himself throwing the punches. Whatever the case, with all those relatively “fair” fight scenes consistently getting so much exposure (think: 300 or Star Wars), we thought it would be interesting to take a look at some of the more lopsided ones. Below are 11 memorable film beat-downs you may or may not recall.

1. The Karate Kid (1984)

This classic beach beat-down also happens to be one of the cheesiest in the history of film. And that’s why we love it. Daniel (Ralph Macchio) gets his ass handed to him pretty badly here. But he should know better than to mess with Johnny in front of the ladies. Poor guy.

2. American History X (1998)

Much of the violence in this film goes to illustrate the ignorant bigotry of a neo-Nazi subculture, and this scene more than does the trick. Derek (Edward Norton) puts a quick-and-severe beat-down on the teen who earlier tried to steal his truck, and it’s pretty chilling. It takes place in front of his little brother and marks a turning point in both of their lives. Derek has already shot the guy by this point, and when he tries to get away, Derek knocks him down and kicks his head in, leaving us shocked.

3. Office Space (1999)

This hilariously one-sided beat-down pits three dorky grown men with baseball bats against their nemesis, an office printer, in the middle of a desolate field. Peter (Ron Livingston), Michael (David Herman) and Samir (Ajay Naidu) trade shots in slow motion as the Geto Boys’ haunting hip-hop track, “Still”, sets the mood. Pure genius. PC load letter? What the f*#k does that mean?

4. Fight Club (1999)

The best fight in all of Fight Club is the first one, where Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) tells Tyler Durden (Edward Norton), “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.” It’s wild, it’s rough, and it sets the stage for a plot that’s chock-full of more awesome fight scenes.

5. Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975)

“The Black Knight always wins! Let’s fight. Come on then.” So said the Black Knight before King Arthur (Graham Chapman) begins systematically cutting off his limbs. The Knight never does get a blow in, but you have to admire his perseverance. He’s still verbally challenging Arthur even when he’s down to just a head and torso.

6. Liar Liar (1997)

In what is truly the most one-sided beat-down on our list, this one features Fletcher Reede (Jim Carrey) versus…himself. And a toilet bowl. And a garbage can. In a desperate effort to escape his courtroom session, Reede slips into the courthouse bathroom, beats the crap out of himself and chalks it up to being jumped. Hey, it worked, and Reede couldn’t have said it better than he did to an unsuspecting witness: “I’m kicking my ass, ya mind?”

(Sped-up version)

7. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Though Alex (Malcolm McDowell) is the most violent character throughout the movie, the best ass kicking here is the one he gets after he goes through brainwashing treatment and can no longer defend himself. After being attacked by a former victim, the police officers that show up turn out to be guys he used to run with. Now it’s their turn to get revenge for everything Alex used to do to them.

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8. Blazing Saddles (1974)

Who punches a horse? Mongo (Alex Karras), that’s who. And man, what a punch it is. Lesson learned, horses: never allow the person riding you to tell Mongo where he can or can’t park his animal. How would PETA feel about this scene today? Who cares? It’s hilarious. Besides, Mongo clearly acted in self-defense.

9. Million Dollar Baby (2004)

This is perhaps the dirtiest few rounds of organized boxing ever. And not just on film. Maggie Fitzgerald (Hilary Swank) takes one hell of a beating from Billie “The Blue Bear” (Lucia Rijker). We’re talking low blows, elbows, after-the-bell shots and, finally and disturbingly, a late sucker punch that sends Fitzgerald on a crippling fall and gives the plot a 180-degree turn.

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10. Good Will Hunting (1997)

Will (Matt Damon) settles an old childhood grudge with a kid who used to pick on him in grade school. Will makes his crew stop the car when he notices the guy walking on the sidewalk with his friends. He quickly walks up behind the unsuspecting pedestrian and pleas for his attention, “It’s me, Will. Remember? We went to kindergarten together,” before letting loose on a playground-style ass whooping that truly defines his character in the film’s South Boston setting.

11. Bloodsport (1988)

Almost as cheesy as the Karate Kid fight, this epic battle ends up truly being one of the more memorable ass whoopings in film. Sure, Frank Dux (Jean Claude Van Damme) and Chong Li (Bolo Yeung) trade their blows at the beginning of the fight. But Dux eventually wins the upper hand, and it becomes a thrashing. Plus, Van Damme does his patented splits mid-air, mid-fight, which scores him a ton of extra points on the fight card. We simply couldn’t live with ourselves if we left Van Damme off a list related to fighting.

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