11 TV Couples That Should Never Have “Gotten Together”15
By Caryn K. Hayes
11 TV Couples That Should Never Have “Gotten Together”
Whhhhyyyy! They ruined a good show! The writers never should have put them together until the very end. They have zero chemistry! The two of them are damaged alone and toxic together! They suck anything good and entertaining out of an otherwise excellent show!
You’ve said it. Critics have said it. And personally, I’ve hurled all of that at my TV along with obscenities and various household objects. As my favorite shows have now gone down in flames due to some of the worst coupling of characters in the history of television, I’ve protested loudly to anyone who would listen. And when my friends refuse to listen, I go online to protest. And, no, I will not share my internet moniker with you – largely out of fear of retaliation.
Suffice it to say, many television couples make me crazy. When it’s good, it’s great – Tami and Eric on Friday Night Lights, for example, are a couple that television writers should study and learn from because… when the coupling is bad… oh, the horror!
Bad television couples come in many shapes, sizes and methods of madness. It could be that they come from two different worlds, as is the case for Lumina and Ryder, in the fantasy series LUMINA. Their relationship trouble, however, is a truly unique one inasmuch as Ryder can only appear before Lumina in mirrors and reflections. On the other hand, it could be that the writers just couldn’t handle having two single characters on the show and just had to give them something to do – each other. All said, following are just a few couples on my list of worst TV couples to ever do the deed.
LUMINA – Single Women
1. George & Izzie (Grey’s Anatomy)
One of the biggest clichés in television is that men and women can’t be friends. If characters on a series are best friends with someone of the opposite sex, those friends are more likely to fall into bed with each other than they are to have a headache that doesn’t turn out to be a tumor. It must be a cliché that TV writers swear by. At the height of Grey’s Anatomy’s popularity, George (TJ Knight) and Izzie (Katherine Heigl) were great friends. As is tradition, these two just had to get together. It didn’t matter that George had recently married Callie and that she was already afraid of the closeness he shared with Izzie. The “nice guy,” the often meek and loveable George, began cheating on his wife with his best friend and, then suddenly, bang, out of nowhere, they were in love. The new couple immediately sparked a backlash from hardcore fans and they were given the blended name of “Gizzie.” The writers let the story play out until both George and Izzie realized that they weren’t meant to be; though, by this time, they left a disaster in their wake. George and Callie divorced, the dust their relationship stirred left the other interns incredibly unsettled, and friendships took a long time to mend. But the ultimate consequence of the relationship was the bad taste it left among fans. The once number one show, already slowly slipping from the top, received an unneeded kick in the teeth from Gizzie that, three seasons later, the show still hasn’t fully recovered from.
Watch: George and Izzie
2. Rachel & Joey (Friends)
Same cliché, different couple. Say it with me: All male/female friends do not have to sleep together. Rachel (Jennifer Aniston) and Joey (Matt LeBlanc) were a great duo when they shared the odd storyline. Whether recommending books destined to end up in the freezer or helping Joey become a better waiter, Rachel and Joey brought the comedy. In season nine, they brought the ick factor. Joey falls first and in the beginning, it was sweet and often funny… until Rachel started returning those feelings. Falling in love with your friend and your friend’s ex, or your ex’s best friend, sure sounds like something less than a good idea. And we the audience, were no more “fine” with it than Ross. “Who else is fine?!” Okay, admittedly there were some funny moments but why go there? “Must be the pressure of entertaining…”
Watch: Rachel and Joey
3. Dead Denny Doucette & Izzie (Grey’s Anatomy)
Dead Denny Doucette (Jeffery Dean Morgan) is different from the Denny we met in season two of Grey’s Anatomy. Whether you disliked him the first time around or not, the Denny Doucette on this list is the dead one. In season five of this medical drama, Izzie did her best to out ick her last horrendous relationship by cheating on her current beau, Alex. To add insult to egregious injury, Izzie began a torrid affair with her ex- boyfriend, who happened to be a ghost. They flirted, they argued, and they had an uncomfortable amount of sex for a ghost and a human. Half the season was spent on this storyline until it was discovered that Dead Denny was just a tumor in Izzie’s brain. Quite an annoying tumor, I must say.
Watch: Dead Denny and Izzie
4. Buffy & Angel (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Between Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel, there are a lot of couples in this Whedonverse that have rightfully fought for their spots on this list – Connor and Cordelia, Buffy and Spike, Buffy and Riley, Buffy and the other randoms she hooked up with – but the first of the two to actually make the list is the ill-fated pairing of Buffy (Sarah Michelle Gellar) and Angel (David Boreanaz). It shouldn’t have to be said, but I’m going to say it anyway: vampires don’t normally make good boyfriends. Vampires don’t usually have souls, leaving them with no morals to guide them. They enjoy the odd rape and pillage. And most of the time, when they ask you out for dinner, they just want to feel the cool breeze of the night air as they sink their teeth into your jugular. Angel, however, was not like your average vampire; he was a vamp with a soul. Likewise, Buffy wasn’t your average teenage girl; she was the one person chosen to slay vampires. Did they let those negligible things stand in their way? Not at all. Unfortunately, after their first bedroom tryst, Angel turned into a monster, literally, hooking up with old cohorts, threatening Buffy’s family and friends, and terrorizing the neighborhood. Worst of all, he didn’t call the next morning!
Watch: Buffy and Angel
5. Lana Lang & Lex Luthor (Smallville)
My personal dislike for Lana aside, don’t you just hate it when a nice girl ends up with a jerk? After a rocky business relationship, Lana (Kristin Kreuk) and Lex (Michael Rosenbaum) saw a turning point in their relationship where Lana began to trust Lex, and Lex became a protector of sorts. Despite his friendship with Clark, Lex pursued a relationship with Lana – even going so far as to hire a hypnotist to break up her relationship with Clark. Lex and Lana got closer and feelings began to escalate. A less than standup guy, Lex kept secrets from Lana, made her think she was pregnant, and secretly videotaped her. To escape him and their dysfunctional and distrustful relationship, Lana faked her death while stealing ten million dollars from him. If that doesn’t sound like a Kryptonion jump of the shark, I don’t know what is.
Watch: Lana and Lex
6. Bette & Tina (The L Word)
Bette and Tina. Tina and Bette. Ay yay yay! Bette (Jennifer Beals) and Tina (Laurel Holloman) are one of those couples that bring out the worst in each other. They were completely self-absorbed, didn’t respect each other, and after a seven year relationship, they still hadn’t learned how to communicate. At the start of the series, Bette and Tina were simultaneously trying to have a baby while in couples counseling. Most couples, admitting the problem in their relationship, would postpone baby making. These two decide to push on and find a donor to start a family. But a failure to communicate caused a huge problem because Tina, although committed to having a child with a biracial woman, was unprepared to raise a biracial baby. Let’s call this “Exhibit A” as to why these two were ill matched. Then there was the cheating, the almost rape, the secret insemination, and the kidnapping.
Watch: Bette and Tina
7. Dawson & Joey (Dawson’s Creek)
Since Dawson’s Creek premiered in 1998, there’s been a stink on the words “soul mate.” Dawson (James Van Der Beek) and Joey (Katie Holmes) grew up across the creek from each other, and as teenagers, like all best friends on television, they wanted to see what this thing called love was all about. After a season of mostly one-sided longing, Joey and Dawson began to date and slowly the audience began to see Dawson for the guy he really was. There really isn’t anything like a new relationship to reveal just how much of a douche your main character is. Of course, Joey had her own neurosis that didn’t make her much better, but whiny Dawson Leery was just unbearable.
- Joey: “We’ve been through so much, Dawson, so many good times and bad. When I loved you, you loved Jen. When you loved me, I needed to be my on my own. So I left you for Jack. The he realized he was gay.”
- Dawson: “And then I convinced you to turn your dad in for trafficking cocaine. You said you’d never speak to me again.”
- Joey: “But I did. I offered myself to you at that party after you crashed your dad’s boat.“
- Dawson: “And I refused for some reason. So you fell for Pacey.”
- Joey: “While you were losing your virginity to Jen.”
- Dawson: “And then finally, we slept together.”
- Joey: “Only to get into a fight the day after, thus ruining everything we’ve waited so long for.”
- Dawson: “And then I dated an actress. You dated that Eddie guy.“
And Joey went back to Pacey… Blah. Blah. Blah.
Watch: Joey and Dawson
8. Thirteen and Foreman (House)
“Hey, you’re pretty dull.” “Yeah, I’ve heard that before.” “I’m a bore too.” “Yeah?” “Sure am.” “Do you want to go out sometime?” “Yes!”
Doesn’t it seem like some television characters have had this conversation? Jack and Kate from Lost. Leonard and Penny from The Big Bang Theory. Rory and Dean from Gilmore Girls. These couples suffer from the fatal flaw of being boring but none more than Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) and Foreman (Omar Epps). Anyone who thinks House is about anything other than House is fooling themselves – so maybe Thirteen and Foreman are fighting an uphill battle. It may not be their fault that they’ve earned the portmanteau of “Boreteen,” but their storylines are filler nonetheless.
Watch: Thirteen and Foreman
9. Xander & Willow (Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
There’s nothing like experiencing unrequited love on television – because it’s rarely unrequited. It was no secret that Willow (Alyson Hannigan) was lovesick over her best friend Xander (Nicholas Brendon) at the start of the series. Of course, Xander was completely oblivious to Willow’s feelings and openly longed for their mutual friend Buffy. In season two, both Xander and Willow seemingly move on to other relationships, Xander with Cordelia and Willow with Oz. All is pretty grand for a while with the mismatched and tumultuous pairing of Xander and Cordelia, and the always sweet and balanced Willow and Oz. For a while… then in the third season, because it’s so true to life, unrequited love has to be requited. Willow and Xander begin to feel an attraction to each other, and this attraction cannot be ignored despite their committed relationships. They begin to sneak around but are caught kissing by Oz and Cordelia, which sufficiently knocks them out of their lustful haze, bringing an end to two great relationships. Plus, if they hadn’t gotten together, maybe Cordelia would have stayed in Sunnydale and never gone on to sleep with Connor in the spinoff series, Angel. Two disasters could have been avoided with just a little restraint.
Watch: Xander and Willow
10. Liz & Christian (Nip/Tuck)
What’s worse than a lesbian who sleeps with a man? A lesbian who has loathed the behavior of that same man from the moment they were introduced, but still sleeps with him for ratings. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) and Liz Cruz (Roma Maffia) had a long history of friendship peppered with antagonistic barbs, the rare comforting shoulder, and regular threats of quitting and/or firing. Christian was a sex addict, a chauvinist, and notorious womanizer while Liz was the steadiest, most levelheaded character on the show – not to mention a notorious lesbian. However, in the fifth season when Christian is diagnosed with breast cancer and manages to muster up a little vulnerability, all of that is thrown out the window and Liz and Christian begin to sleep with each other. The relationship doesn’t last very long, but it does get dragged first to the altar and then to divorce court. Did anyone expect it to end any other way?
Watch: Liz and Christian
11. Dylan & Kelly (Beverly Hills, 90210)
We knew it wasn’t going to end well when Kelly Taylor (Jennie Garth) chose to sleep with her best friend’s man. Brenda (Shannon Doherty) and Dylan (Luke Perry) made an awesome couple that faced common relationship problems that many teenagers face, namely a parental figure that wants to keep them apart. But despite their trials, they made it work. That is, until some backstabbing on Kelly and Dylan’s part saw to the eventual breakup between Dylan and Brenda. Where Brenda held the line and stood up to Dylan, Kelly just let him spiral into chaos. Where Kelly’s boyfriend, Brandon (Jason Priestley), had been supportive and motivational, Dylan was distracted with himself. Dylan eventually left the show and was rumored to be sharing a life with Brenda, who had also left the show. In the meantime, Brandon and Kelly got back together, and all was right with the world. Then a year before the show ended, Dylan returned and Brandon left leaving Kelly and Dylan to each other despite their past problems. In the 90210 redux currently on the air, Kelly and Dylan have a child but still can’t manage to make it work.
Watch: Dylan and Kelly
LUMINA – Wake Up Call
LUMINA – Enter The Mirrorspy
Caryn K. Hayes is an L.A. based writer-producer-director-production coordinator-quality control agent-bartender hailing from New Orleans. She has produced, written, directed, and coordinated numerous web series, documentary and corporate videos, short films and commercials. In 2007, Caryn wrote “The Ridge,” a spec teen drama, which won the 2007 TV Pilot Award from the Organization of Black Screenwriters, and in 2009 she repeated her win with the adult dramedy, “Dirty Thirties.” Caryn created “The World of Cory & Sid,” a comedic web series, which was nominated for Best Television or Web Series in 2009 by the Urban Mediamakers Film Festival. In between her various freelance gigs, she produces sketch comedy and is currently in post-production with “Breaking Point,” a soap opera web series. Engaging and fun, Caryn can also mix over 250 drinks and is comfortable with high volume!