12 Most Ambitious Lies Guys Have Told to Save (and Ruin) Their Relationships

Let’s face it: relationships aren’t easy. Most people have done something at one time or another to ruin things with a “significant other.” And while we were all told as children that honesty is the best policy, admitting mistakes is never fun. Perhaps that’s why some choose an alternative route: lying. Along these lines, in our own series, “Saving Rent,” the protagonist Mike loses his job, but rather than tell his girlfriend the bad news, he pretends nothing has happened and spends his weekdays hiding out at the beach. This scenario might seem farfetched, but there are numerous real life examples that are equally if not more outrageous. Whether it’s purporting to act on God’s orders or faking your own death, this compilation proves that some guys will do just about anything to avoid coming clean and facing the women they’ve wronged. Rest assured, Mike. You aren’t alone.

1. “I can’t have sex because I have cancer.”

As Dustin Hoffman’s character in The Graduate discovered, an affair with an older married woman is fun at first, but difficult to escape when it turns serious. Kirk McCambley of Northern Ireland was only 19 when he became romantically involved with 59-year-old Iris Robinson, wife to Northern Ireland’s First Minister and a longtime family friend. She was there to comfort Kirk when his father passed away and also loaned him thousands of dollars to start up his own business. Needless to say, when Kirk decided that he wanted to end things with Mrs. Robinson, she was none too pleased. Perhaps that’s why Kirk felt that the only way he could escape was pretending he could no longer have sex with her . . . because he had testicular cancer.

2. “God wants us to break up.”

What’s even more surprising than finding a guy with strong moral values? How about finding out that he’s offered your relationship as a religious sacrifice. Believe it or not, such was the experience of one real-life woman featured in a 2008 Glamour article. She claims that her devoted Catholic boyfriend decided to “give her up” for Lent – a period of time when Catholics traditionally abstain from certain vices. And because most church-goers make small sacrifices, like going without caffeine or chocolate, she couldn’t help but feel that he was being a tad extreme.

3. “Yes, I slept with her nine months ago, but no, that is not my baby.”

After months of denials, the tabloids finally caught former Senator John Edwards cheating on his cancer ridden wife. Rather than fess up, Edwards decided that one good lie deserves another, and went on national TV to deny paternity of his mistress’s baby, even though he clearly was the father. This bought him some time, but ultimately, when the mistress started demanding child support, he had to come clean. He lost his wife and his political future, but at least he got an unwanted kid from a crazy woman.

4. “I don’t want kids . . . with you.”

There’s nothing wrong with ending a relationship because, unlike your girlfriend, you don’t want to have children. But if you then impregnate whomever you date next, you may appear less than honest. Apparently, when Lance Armstrong used this line on Sheryl Crow, he didn’t realize that she would eventually find out that he and his subsequent girlfriend, Anna Hansen, were expecting. Considering that Armstrong is one of the most famous athletes in the world, he probably should have known.

5. “I was hiking in the Appalachians.”

When Governor Mark Sanford admitted to his wife that he was having an affair with a woman in Argentina, she said she would stay with him so long as he never saw the woman again. Sanford, well-known for his rigid stance on traditional family values, told his wife what she wanted to hear, but still continued the affair. During one particular visit to his mistress, the governor told his wife he was hiking along the Appalachian Trail. Needless to say, once his actual whereabouts became national news, both his marriage, and chances of campaigning for the Presidency in 2012, came to an end.

6. “Yes, I had sex with someone other than you: myself.”

You would think that a man caught – literally – with his pants down and surrounded by used prophylactics would figure he might as well come clean and admit to cheating. However, you underestimate the ambition of an AskMen.com reader who instead told his girlfriend that he was merely trying to, uh, penetrate himself. It remains unclear why he thought that this explanation had a better chance of keeping his girlfriend around than the truth.

7. “You can’t break up with me – I’m dying!”

Trying to induce sympathy in your girlfriend so she won’t break up with you? Pretending to be terminally ill may do the trick. And while you’re at it, why not ask her for money so that you can pay for your expensive “treatment.” Believe it or not, this scenario actually happened to a woman in Sydney who went $2,500 into debt caring for her “sick” boyfriend. She simply felt too guilty to leave.

8. “You can’t divorce me – I’m already dead!”

No one wants to be sued for divorce, but if your partner decides that’s what they want, there’s really no avoiding it . . . unless you’re dead. In January 2009, 38-year-old investment adviser and amateur pilot Marcus Schrenker found his once-charmed life spiraling out of control. He was being investigated for fraud and his wife had recently filed for divorce. So Marcus did what any man in his situation would do: concoct a plan to fake his own death, complete with a staged “fatal” plane crash and a daring escape via parachute and motorcycle. In theory, it sounded awesome; in reality, Schrenker was caught and sentenced to four years in prison. Not only was Schrenker divorced, but he was publicly embarrassed.

9. “We’re from the same tribe, I swear. What, you think I want to get arrested?”

In order to avoid his marriage’s annulment, a Saudi man lied to his wife’s family about his tribal roots – a major faux paus in Saudi society (where marriages between tribes are prohibited). Once the truth was revealed, Mansour al-Timani and his wife Fatima were divorced by a Saudi court then arrested for still living together. Luckily, the couple was eventually released from prison and recently had their marriage restored.

10. “I didn’t sleep with her . . . today.”

For former President Bill Clinton, responding to accusations of infidelity was all a matter of semantics. When asked about his relationship with then-White House intern, Monica Lewinsky during an interview, Clinton stated, “There is no improper relationship.” Clinton stuck to his guns when his statement came back to haunt him during the scandal’s grand jury testimony, claiming that he was honest since, technically, there was no relationship . . . at the time of the interview. Asked to explain why he conveniently forgot to mention that there once had been a relationship, Clinton made a distinction between past and present tense that had English teachers everywhere scratching their heads: “It depends on what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is . . . if ‘is’ means is and never has been . . . that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement . . .Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having any kind of sexual relations with Ms. Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true.” Sounds like a U.S. President to me.

11. “I was just making sure she got home safe.”

Let’s get one thing straight: when Eddie Murphy picked up a transvestite prostitute in 1997, he was not soliciting sex. He was merely acting like a good Samaritan. After he was pulled over by the police and questioned about his unlikely driving companion, Murphy told the world that he was just giving the working girl a ride home. And since he was not found in a compromising position, Murphy was let off the hook by the cops and, seemingly, his wife, who stayed with him for nine subsequent years.

12. “I’m a sex addict.”

If you’re dumb enough to cheat on Halle Berry, chances are, you’re probably going to offer an even dumber reason for doing so. Eric Benet, Berry’s former husband, admitted to bedding other women while they were married, but said he only did so because he was a sex addict. Benet promised to get help and sought treatment at a rehab facility. The only problem? Once Berry eventually left him, Benet said publicly that he wasn’t really a sex addict – he only claimed so because he thought it would save his marriage. Big surprise.