12 Truly Dysfunctional Families We Love To Hate Or Hate To Love9

By Steven Novak, Jun 22, 2010 in Pop Culture, Show News

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12 Truly Dysfunctional Families We Love To Hate Or Hate To Love

Family is a wonderful thing – on the surface. Dig a little deeper and you’ll discover that every family has secrets they don’t care to share; in fact, every family is a little screwed up. There’s no better example of this than in the KoldCast TV series Desire and Deceit, which tells the story of the past meeting the present, of things left unsaid, of secret desires, and the deceit that follows. To put it plainly, there are some families that make it their trademark to be screwed up, and have become quite famous for it! Check out these twelve dysfunctional families that make yours look like the Brady Bunch.

1. THE KENNEDYS

The Kennedy family has produced two senators, an Ambassador, and the 35th President of the United States – they’ve also suffered some pretty terrible and public heartache. Assassinations, extra marital affairs, ugly divorces, alleged homicides – over the years they have experienced the absolute highest of the highs and the lowest of the lows, and had each and every one of them on display for endless public scrutiny.

2. THE CORLEONES – FROM THE FILM “THE GODFATHER”

Mario Puzo and Francis Ford Coppola’s Corleone Family from the classic “Godfather” series had fat pocketbooks, and were feared/respected by pretty much everyone. It wasn’t all rosy though. They were in constant danger of being beaten to a pulp, shot through the face, or waking up with severed horse heads on their pillows. Apparently not everyone feared this mob family after all.

3. THE JACKSONS

Sure, most of them are doing okay when it comes to their wallets, but allegations of child abuse, drug use, and the bizarre antics of Michael and Latoya often turned the Jackson family into a sideshow attraction which nearly overshadowed any of the talent they had. For every gold record, there was a Bubbles The Chimp, and for every Bubbles The Chimp, there was a kid wrapped in a blanket and held over a balcony – plus, there’s the whole Joe Jackson as a father thing – nuts to that.

4. THE GOSSELINS – FROM THE TV SERIES “JOHN AND KATE PLUS EIGHT”

The reasons you should be happy you weren’t born into the Gosselin family are numerous. First and foremost, no one in their right mind would ever want John and Kate as their parents. Then there’s the cameras, the drama, the fact that your dad loves his Ed Hardy shirts more than he does you, and the icing on the cake is the immense size of the family. Eight siblings mean eight separate sets of problems. Eight problems mean eight heartaches. Eight heartaches mean… no thanks.

5. THE MANSON FAMILY

Though technically less a family and more of a cult, Charles Manson and his murderous followers have had the word “family” attached to them for years, and for that reason we felt okay including them in this list. Their family outings were executed in cold blood.

6. THE EWINGS – FROM THE TV SERIES “DALLAS”

Though the Ewing’s were undoubtedly crazy-wealthy in ways that would make Donald Trump green with envy, they were not without their share of problems. Affairs galore and backstabbing that took the activity to wonderfully new levels are just snippets of the nonsense Ewing family members had to deal with on a regular basis – not to mention the occasional murder. Oil money!

7. THE BUNDYS – FROM THE TV SERIES “MARRIED WITH CHILDREN”

Being a member of the Bundy family might seem like fun at first glance: Al is a funny guy, Kelly is always walking around in skimpy clothes, and Peg is what would commonly be referred to as certified MILF. Dig a little deeper though and you’ll see that they’re eternally broke, are the joke of the neighborhood, and eat so very little that they were often willing to trample each other for a turkey leg. Then there’s Bud – and no one wants to be related to Bud.

8. THE HAPSBURGS

As one of Europe’s most important royal houses, the House of Hapsburg ruled over the Austrian and Spanish Empires between 1438 and 1740. It’s what led to their extinction that might make you thank the heavens above you weren’t born into their family. In a desperate desire to consolidate power, the Hapsburgs opted to utilize the often-underutilized, consanguineous marriage method – basically inbreeding. Brothers sexed sisters, sisters sexed cousins, cousins sexed aunts, and over the course of generations, deformities and disease plagued the dynasty.

9. THE BALDWINS

Sure, some of the Baldwin’s have wallets as thick as Alec’s ever-expanding waistline, but they’re pretty messed up, too. Alec, Stephen, Daniel and William have each managed to reach varying levels of success, while at the same time deal with scandals so scandalous they make me want to type the word scandal one more time just to make my point. Alec’s divorce and screaming session with his daughter was a public affair, Daniel has been to jail numerous times, Stephen may be a certified wacko, and William – well, actually William’s doing alright.

10. THE KARDASHIANS

There are messed up families, and then there are messed up, messed up families – the Kardashian’s are a messed up mess of a family. Bruce Jenner has had so many surgeries he’s beginning to look more like his grandmother; the kids are making sex tapes, getting married, and getting divorced like it’s going out of style; and they’re making it all available for the world at large to watch – and giggle at. And that’s entertainment these days!

11. THE UNNAMED CHAINSAW MASSACRE FAMILY – FROM THE FILM “THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE”

The family in Tobe Hooper’s 1974 slasher masterpiece “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was never actually given a name, but you should be glad you were never a member of it nonetheless. That is, unless you aspire to live in filth with your decrepit weird-faced granddad, chop up teenagers with rusty chainsaws, and then cook up their bones in a meaty, robust, and no doubt odd smelling stew.

12. THE HILTONS

Originally known for their affordable yet elegant family hotel chain, the Hiltons, as a family, became a household name because of one infamous family member: Paris. Seriously though, did they really think they could get away with naming their daughter Paris and not experience some sort of sex-tape fallout? Even still, what Paris has created, out of nothing, is really quite extraordinary – singer/actress/model/enigma. So your daughters are the bread and butter of TMZ and have done some jail time – is that really such a high price to pay to be one of the most memorable American families?

Episode 2 – I’m Not Your Brother’s Keeper

Watch more episodes of Desire and Deceit

Steven Novak is a writer, illustrator, graphic designer and admitted lifelong nerd with an embarrassingly large DVD collection. He is currently working and living in the Southern California desert. His most recent fantasy/action adventure novel, “Forts: Fathers and Sons,” is available everywhere books are sold.