14 Valuable Life Lessons We Can Learn From Saved By The Bell4

By Steven Novak, Aug 19, 2010 in Orange Juice In Bishop's Garden, Pop Culture, Show News

• Share

14 Valuable Life Lessons We Can Learn From Saved By The Bell

The 1990’s gave us many things: Sir Mix-a-Lot, grunge music, the Spice Girls, reality TV, pogs, Adam Sandler. It was a decade caught between the florescence of the 80’s and the MacIntosh white of the 21st century. What results from such a confused decade? A look at Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, the KoldCast TV series based in the 90’s, gives you a pretty good picture.

Among the good and the bad that emerged from the bizarre stew that was the 90’s, was a Saturday morning television phenomenon that absolutely no one could have predicted – a candy-coated high school sitcom called Saved By The Bell. You might think the show was too sweet or one-dimensional, but you can’t deny that it tried to teach kids important life lessons. Here are the most valuable life lessons we learned from the gang at Bayside High School.

Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, Episode 1: Orange Crush

1. CAFFEINE PILLS ARE (APPARENTLY) AS BAD AS COCAINE

Stay away from the caffeine pills kids. They’re bad news. One of the series’ most infamous episodes, “Jessie’s Song,” proved this to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt. The show featured resident brainiac, Jessie Spano (Showgirls’ Elizabeth Berkley), turning to the over-the-counter “drug” in order to keep up with her schoolwork and her singing group “The Hot Sundaes.” The pills proved not only dangerously addictive, but came with unpredictable side effects – chronic overacting.

2. KIDS OF ALL KINDS CAN GET ALONG

Remember how friendly everyone in your school was to each other? Remember how the nerds, and the dorks, and the preps, and the jocks could often be found sitting together at lunch? No? Well, according to the cast and crew of Saved By The Bell, it’s all about finding commonalities and needing to reach several demographics at once on a Saturday morning. If A.C. Slater (Mario Lopez) can sit at the same table with Screech (Dustin Diamond) at the Max, I think we can all get along.

3. BEING COOL IS ALL ABOUT HAVING THE RIGHT GADGETS

Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) owned what we refer to today as the original Motorola brick phone. Despite the fact that it looks more like the ignition switch to a “high-tech” bomb in a James Bond film from the seventies, strutting around with this gargantuan lump of plastic attached to his ear somehow succeeded in making young Mr. Morris one of the most popular kids at school. What did they power this bad boy with, a car battery?

4. PRINCIPALS ARE THOROUGHLY ENGROSSED IN THE DAY-TO-DAY NONSENSE OF THEIR STUDENTS

In the Saved By The Bell world, the principal of your school is an integral part of your daily life. They’ll hang out with you, get involved in your crazy schemes, chill by your locker in between classes and chat about the hot new Johnny Dakota film (they might even teach third period history now and then). And here I was thinking principals mostly just sat in their office filling out papers, and occasionally emerging to break up a fight in the hallway or organize random locker checks.

5. ALL TOUGH GUYS REALLY HAVE HEARTS OF GOLD

If we can believe everything we see on Saved By The Bell, underneath all the youthful testosterone of your average jock lies a guy with a heart of gold. Did you know that the letters A.C. actually stood for Albert Clifford? As the boyfriend of the smartest girl in the school, Slater proved he was a just a big softie. So next time that tough guy tries giving you an atomic wedgie, fight him back with a hug.

6. THE SOLUTION TO EVERY PROBLEM IS WITHIN THE WALLS OF YOUR SCHOOL, LITERALLY

In an episode titled “Save The Max,” the students discover an old radio station hidden behind the walls of Bayside High. Turns out it was shut down due to the antics of none other than Richard “The Big Bopper” Belding back when he was a student. Is your local Starbucks or Pinkberry in jeopardy? Grab yourself a sledgehammer and start pounding away at the walls of your nearest high school. Who knows what you might find!

7. WACKY SCHEMES ARE ALWAYS THE ANSWER

Forget coming clean or dealing with a problem directly – the easiest way out of any sticky situation has always been an overly-complicated wacky scheme. The method was first put into practice by Lucy McGillicuddy-Ricardo in the 1950’s and has been the preferred method of sitcom characters – including Bayside High’s own Zack Morris. I suppose this little bit of news really shouldn’t surprise us, because it always works. Seriously, it never backfires – never ever, not once – ever.

8. HOT GIRLS MAKE EVERYTHING LOOK GOOD

Originally created for the incredibly unsexy act of holding up a pair of pants, suspenders have all too often been relegated to the not so svelte or the lanky. This is a shame, because they look really, really sexy on Bayside’s resident “hottie” Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani Thiessen). Heck, she’s even making those mom jeans look decent, which isn’t exactly an easy task to pull off.

9. EVERYTHING ALWAYS WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST – AND IN THIRTY MINUTES OR LESS

Don’t worry, it’ll all work out for the best. No matter what happened to the kids of Saved By The Bell, no matter what sort of hardships they faced, no matter what challenges were tossed at them, everything always seemed to work out thirty minutes later. Remember when they met that homeless girl around Christmas time? Well, her out of work dad got a job, and she started dating Zack. That’s a pretty good end to a pretty crappy year. The lesson here is that when bad things happen, be patient. After thirty minutes and a few Ninja Turtle commercials, everything will not only be back to normal, it’ll be better than it was before.

10. PSEUDO-50’s STYLE HANGOUTS ARE ALL THE RAGE WITH THE KIDS

If Saved By Bell taught us anything, it’s that kids love to hang out in vaguely fifties (with a hint of gaudy 90’s) burger joints where the only things on the menu are cheeseburgers and milkshakes. The owner is old but still can relate to the kids and spends a creepy amount of time with them. I guess the 90’s weren’t worried about pedophilia and cholesterol.

11. THERE ARE FEW STUDENTS IN ANY SCHOOL THAT REALLY MATTER

As Saved By The Bell demonstrated time and time again, American schools only have about thirty total students – thirty students, two classrooms, twenty or so lockers, and a single stairway that leads to nowhere. If you’re dealing with a really dramatic issue like bulimia, kleptomania or an alcoholic father, you’re guaranteed to be featured for at least 30 minutes in your high school career. If you’re normal and don’t get into trouble, forget it. Nobody cares.

12. WHEN LIFE IS TOO MUCH TO HANDLE, STOP AND PONTIFICATE

If things are getting a bit out of hand and you need a break, just stop time and take one. It might help the situation to recap the events, share your point of view and possibly establish what your next move is. It’s simple. It’s effective. Actually, I think this one really does work.

13. TEACHERS ARE HALFWITS AND STUDENTS SOLVE ALL THE PROBLEMS

Pretty much every teacher at Bayside High is a complete and total waste of space. Forget the Masters degree they might have, or the fact that they are a least 10 years older than any student. The young, fresh, untainted minds of students are the real secret behind justice, stability and success in high school.

14. THERE’S NO HOPE WITH DOPE

In one of the series’ most notable episodes, Bayside High was picked as a filming location for an anti-drug commercial. Teen icon/heartthrob Johnny Dakota soon arrived on campus to make the girls swoon and the guys envious. Sadly, it was discovered he smoked pot. Soon afterward, it was revealed that apparently weed had ruined Johnny’s life, turned him into Hollywood douchebag, and smashed his hopes and dreams. Pretty powerful stuff – almost as bad as those caffeine pills.

Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, Episode 2: Will You Be There Tonight?

Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, Episode 3: Boy’s Night Out

Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, Episode 4: Yasmine’s House

Watch more episodes of Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden.

Read 13 Best Things Done By “Saved By The Bell” Actors

Steven Novak is a writer, illustrator, graphic designer and admitted lifelong nerd with an embarrassingly large DVD collection. He is currently working and living in the Southern California desert. His most recent fantasy/action adventure novel, “Forts: Fathers and Sons,” is available everywhere books are sold.