10 Weird Achievements in the Guinness Book of World Records17

By Chris Littler, Feb 09, 2011 in Pop Culture

Man, people are weird. All it takes is a cursory glance at TMZ to see that there’s really nothing people won’t do to become famous – punch each other at bars, paint themselves orange, date Paris Hilton. It’s like they believe their existence is meaningless without some arbitrary exterior form of validation – no matter how absurd it may be. The problem is 99% of humanity isn’t beautiful or talented enough to achieve fame the traditional way. So many resort to achieving the extreme in order to go down in history – like Sir Reginald Bo-Hey No, of Invention with Brian Forbes, whose outrageous inventions get him no where closer to fame.

In 1954, Sir Hugh Beaver, the managing director of Guinness Breweries, was on a hunting trip and became fixated with establishing which was the fastest game bird in Europe. This argument led to the realization that there was no entity that collected this kind of information – so he created it himself. With the help of two fact-finding twins, Norris and Ross McWhirter, he published 1,000 copies of the record book and gave them away at bars across the UK. By the end of the year, the demand for the book was so great that it was reprinted and sold to the public. It was the bestselling book of the year.

Although it started with a commonplace question like the fastest bird, The Guinness Book of World Records is now known for collecting the world’s most unimportant and bizarre records. But, at least your average Joe now has a chance to have his name printed in the bestselling copyrighted book series of all time – if he’s willing to be on hold for a couple hours (which is hard if you’re the World’s Most Impatient Man) and slog through the paperwork (which is hard if you have the World’s Longest Fingernails).

Although it’s hard to stand out amongst so many records, people continue to go through a lot of trouble to become footnotes to footnotes in the appendices of history.

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1. Married 23 Times – Linda Wolfe

Linda Wolfe of Anderson, Indiana, has been married 23 times and holds the title of world’s most married person. Good for her. Marriage is a wonderful thing, right? You get to have a wedding. People get together and dance. We’d hate to be her sister, though. Being the bridesmaid and not the bride once is painful enough, but 23 times? Just grimace your way through the speeches, sister.

2. Watching Television for 72 Hours – Suresh Joachim

We’re pretty sure this record has been broken before. It’s just never been reported. Sri Lankan native Suresh Joachim outsmarted every couch potato in the world by having Guinness observe him as he watched 72 hours of TV straight – something most of us do in private. If he was smart, he avoided QVC completely, because he’d have to look away if he wanted to order that real funny one-a-day kitten quotation calendar. Cats! They’re just like us!

3. Sitting in Bathtub with 87 Rattlesnakes – Jackie Bibby

Ever been relaxing in your bathtub and hear a hiss and think, “OH MY GOD THIS BATHTUB IS FULL OF RATTLESNAKES!” only to realize that it was just one your lavender-scented Pier 1 candles going out? Well, Jackie Bibby doesn’t have that problem. The Texas-bred serpentine-lover loves getting nice and comfortable with our scale-bellied friends in the most intimate way. We’re pretty sure that the only reason the snakes are cool with it is because Bibby puts some John Tesh on the CD player before he slips in. That guy is a modern day snake-charmer.

4. Eating 200 Earthworms in 30 Seconds – C. Manoharan

Here’s something to think about: there’s a record for eating a bucketful of earthworms and there’s also a record for eating that bucketful quickly. That’s two separate records for eating worms. C. Manoharan of India holds the record for swallowing 200 earthworms in 30 seconds (completely unaided by ketchup or tartar sauce). He also tried to set a record by flossing two snakes through one nostril but failed – possibly because he realized how greedy he was being.

5. Holding Breath for 13 Minutes and 42.5 Seconds – Robert Foster

USA! USA! American purebred Robert Foster holds the record for longest breath-holding at a whopping 13 minutes and 42.5 seconds. And to make this even more impressive, he did it back in 1959 way before we had all these newfangled breath-extension technologies. It just goes to show you, America is really good at a lot of things. No one can beat us when it comes to controlling our breath. Just look at Kenny G.

6. 75 Beer Glasses Balanced on Chin – Ashrita Furman

If you’re ever eager to get kicked out of a bar super fast, tell the manager that you’re world-record holder Ashrita Furman. After he gives you 75 pint beer glasses, make a huge speech about how you managed to do this for 10 seconds in New York almost ten years ago, but tonight you’re going to do it for 11… then fail miserably. Just shatter those glasses with zero impunity. If there’s anyone there who reads every edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, they’ll eat it up. (Not the glass, the act. Unless, of course, they hold the record for eating glass.) Furman is known for holding multiple records. Although he has set 328 official world records since 1979, he currently holds only 126.

READ: 15 Best Beers From Around the World

7. 124 One-Finger Push-Ups – Paul Henry Allen Lynch

My dad’s a lawyer. What’s your dad do?

He goes from town to town doing one-finger push-ups.

Wow, that’s much cooler than what my dad does. Your dad makes my dad look like a total chump.

8. Stretching Skin to 6.25 inches – Garry Turner

Garry Turner, of the Lincolnshire Turners, went on national television and stretched the skin of his stomach to 6.25 inches for the sole purpose of showing the world he could do it. One can only imagine that there were a lot of people watching at home that were holding onto their stomachs as they watched, either because they wanted to throw up or because they quietly suspected they could probably beat that record.

9. 19 People Inside a Soap Bubble – Sam Heath

This country has been suffering ever since the real-estate bubble burst. But that doesn’t mean that all bubbles are bad, right? How can you hold anything against a giant soap bubble? That’s right, you can’t! Sam Heath set the world record for most people inside a single bubble when he used his giant bubble wand to encapsulate 19 people inside. Witnesses say Sam then cast a magical spell, the bubble popped, and its inhabitants disappeared. Just kidding. It popped, everyone clapped politely, and people talked about it for maybe three days.

10. Squirting Milk from the Eye – Mike Moraal

If you want to be like Mike Moraal of British Columbia and squirt milk from your eye 2.6 meters, you’ll have your name in the ol’ G-books for… probably forever. But you should never tell your date that you did it, and you should definitely never try to do it while you’re dining at the Olive Garden. Wait until you get home at least. No one likes eye milk on their never-ending salad bowl.

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Chris Littler lives in Hollywood. He has a degree in Dramatic Writing from the Tisch School of the Arts at New York University, one of the most prestigious writing programs in America, which he totally plans to hang on the wall when he has a Study. Chris currently covers video games at UGO.com when he’s not performing improv at iO, and is currently writing a one-hour TV pilot with his friend Wes. Like everyone else you know, he has an album available to purchase on iTunes and has lots of things to say on his blog: chrislittler[dot]com.