10 Life Lessons From The Enterprise1

By Brittany Frederick, Jan 10, 2012 in Offbeat, Pop Culture

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When you embark on a journey with a group of people from different walks of life, you’re bound to encounter drama, conflict, and frustration. If you keep your eyes, ears, and mind open, however, you’re also likely to encounter a life lesson. For instance, on the retro-futuristic space-liner that’s home to the series Space Hospital, employees learn how bureaucracy can destroy the human race, and how procreating with non-human co-workers can lead to disastrous results. The same goes for Gene Roddenberry’s Star Trek crew. Co-mingling with different species while en route to far-off places, the crew of the Enterprise is forced to learn from their adventures (and misadventures) or face the consequences. Lucky for them, every mission has a moral takeaway.

Space Hospital – The Egg and I

Here are just some of the lessons our fearless crew learned while aboard the Enterprise.

Don’t be the guy in the red shirt.

If you’re the guy (or gal) in the red shirt, particularly if you don’t have a last name (or any name), your time aboard the Enterprise is likely short. Ladies, if you happen to kiss Captain Kirk, you can also expect to be exiting soon thereafter.

The universal translator is your friend.

You’ll meet many aliens, all speaking their own unique language. But, as long as they’re on the Enterprise, every language will sound like English. You can thank the ship’s universal translator for that one. Otherwise, you’d be forced to buy tons of Rosetta Stone tutorials.

Sometimes bad guys end up making pretty good guys.

Okay, so the Borg Collective is a nasty thing that you don’t want to be a part of – but, how about Voyager’s Seven of Nine; she was fairly awesome. Other bad-gone-good guys from Voyager include Chakotay and Tom Paris, both members of a pesky thing called the Maquis before they joined the trusted crew.

Don’t put all your ranking officers in one shuttlecraft.

This is just common sense. If you’re stupid enough to give the alien of the week one convenient target, you may as well just put a big white flag on top of it too.

Just date the people you work with.

Falling in love with a visiting diplomat/alien bride-to-be/hologram never works out because they just end up leaving. You could argue, however, that The Next Generation’s Will Riker and Deanna Troi eventually married, as did Voyager’s Paris and B’Elanna Torres. I’m not saying this rule works for everyone, but your chances of romantic success increase when you’re with someone who’s stuck with you for years on end.

If you wreck the ship, there’s probably another one.

Picard sacrificed the Enterprise-D in the movie Star Trek: Generations. So what? He had the Enterprise-E after that. Do what you gotta do to save the day. Ask questions later.

If you leave the show, there’s probably another one.

After first appearing on The Next Generation, the characters of Worf and Miles O’Brien ended up on Deep Space Nine. Another TNG character, Ro Laren, was intended to be a series regular on DS9 but actress Michelle Forbes turned down the role. Voyager’s Tom Paris is played by actor Robert Duncan McNeill, who is also the man behind TNG character Nicholas Locarno. Even the deceased Tasha Yar reappeared a few times postmortem. You can probably count on some job security if employed by the Enterprise (unless you fall under item #1).

Life will not be linear.

As a member of the fleet, you’re likely to deal with alternate timelines and/or realities like the one in the Next Generation episode “Yesterday’s Enterprise,” where the Enterprise-C made an ill-fated appearance and met the crew of the Enterprise-D. But c’mon, you’re already dealing with spaceflight and aliens, is time travel really that big a deal?

Always keep your phaser set on stun.

You have no idea what could be around the next corner, be it an alien invader, some creepy monster of the week, or that pesky Betazoid ambassador that really likes you. It’s best to always be prepared.

You’re never going to find the bathroom.

It’s just not on the map. Obviously it exists somewhere, but specifically where will be a perpetual mystery.

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Space Hospital – Ghost in the Ointment

Watch more episodes of retro sci-fi comedy SPACE HOSPITAL

Brittany Frederick, is an award-winning freelance entertainment journalist who reaches millions of people around the world every day with her unique blend of sophisticated analysis, sarcastic humor, and varied life experience. She maintains her own blog, DigitalAirwaves.net, and you can follow her on Twitter, @tvbrittanyf.