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8 Most Shocking Craigslist Stories38

By Ariel Nishli

We’ve all got a notch in our belt: the awkward Craigslist transaction story earned after subletting our apartments, selling off some crap, or finding a $15 television stand. This author had the pleasure of meeting a prospective roommate procured via Craigslist who, during the course of a twenty-minute interview, looked up from the ground once – to ask for a cigarette.

If only there was someone to broker these kinds of sketchy Craigslist deals… a Craigslist agent! What we need is Ron Barba, star of KoldCast TV’s hilarious comedy series “King of the List.” Barba is a self-proclaimed talent agent who scours New York City’s Craigslist pages in search of actors who otherwise would never get a shot at the big leagues. Needless to say, he meets some peculiar characters in his line of work. In honor of Ron leveling the playing field, here are eight of the most shocking Craigslist stories we could find.

King of The List – Bully For You Ron Barba

Pantie Express

A 42-year old saleswoman from Manhattan established an ancillary career using Craigslist as a sales tool. Smart idea, but her product is a little fishy. She writes long, elegantly worded advertisements for men or women to meet her in a public place. They must bring an envelope full of cash in an amount agreed on beforehand. She’ll then take the envelope to the bathroom, remove her panties, and replace the cash with the underwear. When asked how she came up with this side-business, she remarked, “I wear underpants every single day of my life, and somebody’s got to want these underpants.” Apparently demand is pretty high because business is booming. Of course, safety comes first. The saleswoman keeps a file of her customers’ names and photos where a close friend can find them in case one of her deals goes awry.

Police Report: Missing Dignity

A 24-year old Colorado Springs man arranged for a booty call on Craigslist while his girlfriend was out of town. At least that was the plan… His significant other surprised him by showing up at their home one night early. The man went into a panic as his late-night rendezvous was due to arrive at any minute. When she came a knockin’ he did the most sensible thing that could occur to a cheating man: phoned in a fake robbery report to the police. Within minutes, five armed officers arrived at the scene to apprehend the confused woman at the front door. Oh, and they were told she had a gun on her person. After being detained for several hours, the woman got to speak her piece. The police realized this was a classic case of “dude scared stupid” and gave the man a summons for filing a false police report.

Funny Meeting You Here…

In 1998, a newlywed couple strolling along the beach in the Greek Islands came across a woman in her 50s painting the scenery. After learning she was from their hometown of San Francisco, the young husband asked how she ended up in Greece. The woman recalled being inspired by a Craigslist ad from a couple in their twenties who were quitting their jobs, selling all their possessions, and moving out of their apartment to travel through Europe for two years. In shock, the couple declared they had posted the ad from her story! The three were so taken aback by the encounter that they agreed to have lunch and get to know each other. All three are back in San Francisco, where they remain close friends to this day.

Struck by Cupid… and Stupidity

One night on the Upper East Side of New York, a designer purse turned up at the steps of the local police precinct. The several hundred dollars in cash it once harbored was gone, as were the credit cards. There was, however, a note with a scribbled down webpage link to the following Craigslist ad:

“Tuesday night around 11:30. On 53rd btw 1st and 2nd. You came out of the subway and I followed you. You looked over your shoulder, saw me and started walking faster. I ran up, grabbed your arm, took your purse and ran away. I’ve done many a snatch-and-grab but no one has ever stuck in my mind like you. There was a moment when our eyes met that I felt something strong. I think you felt it too. If I wasn’t so shy (or so committing a crime) I would have asked your name. I, of course, later got your name from your drivers license. So Jennifer if you’d like to get together for a drink sometime get back to me.”

Jennifer did not take her suitor up on his drink offer – which technically she would be paying for – because she was a bit more creeped out than flattered. Her secret admirer did have her address, after all. The police impersonated Jennifer in a response to the purse-snatcher’s Craigslist post. He showed up for his date and was promptly arrested.

Divine Couch

A Pennsylvania man was in the market for some second-hand furniture for his new living room. When he saw someone’s Craigslist ad for a brand new couch still in factory wrapping for only $200, he thought it must be his lucky day. He called his son to help pick it up and move it. His son, being a bit more tech savvy, asked pop to inquire why the price was so low. After a two-day email exchange that beat around the bush, the seller responded:

“I bought the couch because God commanded me to, for reasons unclear, but I believe to prepare me for a turbulent future in some way. Faith, I have read, does not mean contradicting human logic, but transcending it. In that spirit, I bought it among other furniture items. I am now trying to sell them in order to get out of the substantial debt I have accrued.”

Although father and son thought this guy could use divine intervention for being a raging shopaholic, they bought the couch anyway. Predictably, the man blessed it before seeing it off to its new owners.

Craigslist Kiddie

In these crazy modern times, referring to someone as a “Craigslist Killer” has become household vernacular for describing murderers who find their victims on Craigslist. Perhaps none of these cases is crazier than that of 16-year-old John Katehis. In March 2009, Katehis was arrested for murdering 47-year-old radio personality George Weber. Confessing to the crime, he described himself as a Satanist and sadomasochist but revoked it a day later, pleading self-defense because he responded to Weber’s Craigslist ad for “rough sex” and got more than he bargained for. Police found Weber’s body riddled with 50 stab wounds – a bit overboard for self-defense. After a mistrial, Katehis was retried and convicted in November 2011.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

A lonely man sliding down the slippery slope of soliciting “Casual Encounters” Craigslist posts recalled one strange yet touching encounter. He entered an apartment sparsely lit by candlelight, but otherwise pitch black. A woman’s voice emanated “I’m over here, but don’t come any closer” from a figure shrouded in darkness on a bed in the corner of the room. The nebbish man thought to himself, “this is the one that’s going to murder me” only to realize that the woman was merely self-conscious because she was obese. What would otherwise have been a casual encounter evolved into two hours of deep conversation, and a lasting relationship was born out of the mutual vulnerabilities expressed that night.

Party Clown

A man in his mid-30s was in need of some quick cash AND in possession of a dusty old Halloween costume. While searching for a job, he came across the following serendipitous Craigslist ad:

“We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a shit load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn’t even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.”

As you may have guessed, “heavily” was not an intentional misspelling and the guy dressed as a clown for Halloween four years ago. He broke out the lucky suit, accepted the strange job, and $250 later, wondered how breaking the ice could have ever been so difficult. Needless to say, the birthday party was a success and the clown-for-hire ended up vomiting in a mailbox.

Ridiculous Bonus Posts!

The following are real Craigslist posts (Don’t believe us? Click the links!) we’ve mined for their unusual level of crazy. Enjoy!

Woman to sit in my bath tub full of noodles, wearing a bathing suit
“I will pay you $1 to sit in my bathtub full of noodles while you wear a one piece bathing suit. I will not be home, nor will anyone else while you do this. I will leave the key for you, and you will sit at your leisure. DO NOT bring any sauce. I will season the pasta after I return home prior to dinner.”

Personal texting assistant
“I get 40 – 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.”

I have a huge bathroom
“I am a female in my mid 60′s and I am looking for a room mate. Times are tight and I need some extra money. I am willing to rent out my bathroom in my 1 bedroom east village home. My bathroom is large. You can easily put a twin air mattress in there. I only ask that when I need to use the bathroom, you or your air mattress are not in it. I do ask that when you are in the apartment, you confine yourself to the bathroom. I do not feel comfortable with a stranger walking around my living room. This might change as I get to know you better.”

King of The List – Ventriloquist, duh!?

King of The List – Stick To What You Know

Watch the next episode of comedy series KING OF THE LIST

Ariel Nishli has a big apple in his heart but moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in the entertainment industry after graduating from Vanderbilt University in 2007. He started in the motion picture literary department at ICM before moving on to feature film development at Parkes MacDonald Productions. Ariel’s wardrobe has steadily devolved from designer suits to worn out slippers, as he now focuses on screenwriting and freelance writing.

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Must Reads 4/19/2014