The World’s Most Fattening Foods3
By Jessica Shear
“Give me liberty or… ooo… a jelly donut!” — Homer Simpson
The U.S. is one of the few countries needing the creation of extra wide theater seats and “super-sized” ambulances to accommodate our gargantuan appetites and growing girth. So, it’s no surprise that the U.S. is leading the way in obesity – but it certainly isn’t alone at the smorgasbord. A list of the world’s most fattening foods contains several indulgent dishes from outside our bulging borders.
If you happen to venture into French speaking Canada, be mindful of two things. 1) If you don’t speak French (especially if you only speak English), you are likely to be looked at with disdain. 2) Bring Miss Muffet along as your tour guide because French Canadians eat curds. No way! Yes, whey!
French Canada’s contribution to scale tipping is a lovely dish called Poutine, pronounced “Poo-teen.” Consisting of a huge plate of French fries topped with a big scoop of cheese curds and made super sloppy with a dollop of gravy, Poutine is considered a side dish usually accompanying a burger and soda. An average serving of Poutine alone contains 1300 calories and 72 grams of fat.
The days of falling back on the “Coffee and Cigarettes Diet” to lose a few pounds are long gone – that was so 1980s. Sure, about 20% of the population still smokes, but as the number of smokers dwindles, the cost and caloric content of coffee is on the rise – making the old standby diet not only socially unacceptable and expensive but unhealthy too.
As the crew working the Portland café in the series Forty Weight can tell you, not a lot of people order a simple cup of Joe anymore. Instead, they’re more likely to be habitual consumers of sugar and fat-laden favorites like Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha (Vente/20 oz) made with whole milk, eight pumps of syrup, whipped cream, and sprinkles. That will run you almost 700 calories and 26 grams of fat. Not fattening enough? Order it with half and half or eggnog during the holidays and see how your pants fit after your daily caffeine fix.
Forty Weight – The Interview
Quadruple Bypass Burger and Friends
Not everything in Vegas stays in Vegas. If you happen to eat at the Heart Attack Grill (known as HAG and originally from Phoenix with a location in Dallas), you’ll have to bring your hardened arteries and increased bulge home when you’ve had your fill of Sin City.
Billed as a hospital-themed restaurant, customers are referred to as patients, orders are procedures, waitresses are sexy nurses, and the entire menu was created to showcase unhealthy eating. In fact, HAG runs a promotion where food is free to those who tip the scale at 350 pounds or more.
On the menu you’ll find some of the planet’s most fattening foods. Order the Single, Double, Triple, or Quadruple Bypass Burger (topping out at 2 lbs of beef and 8,000 calories), Flatliner Fries (cooked in pure lard), and Butterfat Milkshakes to get a good taste of HAG. To be sure they don’t lose their “bad for you” banner, they even provide Pall Mall cigarettes and offer candy smokes for the kiddies.
When we think of a summer fair, we think of fun and food, rides and reflux, carnies and carnivores. Nothing says gastronomic extravaganza like a fair. Once called the Heart Attack Café, The Fried Butter Stand was forced to change its name when the Heart Attack Grill filed suit. Owner Michael Peterson and his San Diego-based deep fried food stand have been regular fixtures at the Orange County Fair for years. Menu items include chocolate-covered corndogs, beer-battered bacon, chocolate-covered bacon wrapped Oreos, widow-maker garlic fries (fried in oil fortified with bacon drippings), the jumbo mexican funnel cake (with whipped cream, strawberries, cinnamon, and sugar, weighing in at five pounds), and the stand’s name sake, Deep Fried Butter (churro dough injected with a butter and cream cheese mixture and then fried).
While it’s true that France is known for rich food, it’s managed to avoid inclusion in the list of “fattest” countries. That’s because portion control is key for the French. Under the heading of “A Little Dab’ll Do Ya” – Foie Gras is a French delicacy which, pound for pound, is among the world’s most fattening foods. Made from specially fattened duck and goose liver, traditional foie gras is produced by force-feeding corn to birds resulting in a rich, buttery, delicate flavor – and some incredibly uncomfortable birds. 100 grams of foie gras yields a hefty 460 calories and 50 grams of fat.
The Luther Burger
Also known as the Krispy Kreme Burger, KK Donut Burger, Craze-E Burger, or the Crave Doughnut Burger, this burger by any other name would taste as sweet (sorry Shakespeare). Legend has it that Luther Vandross created this burger by putting a beef patty between two glazed donuts, giving his song, “Never Too Much,” new meaning. Others say it was created at a Decatur, Georgia, bar called Mulligans, when the owner ran out of buns and replaced them with donuts. Bottom line is, the sweet meat treat has taken the country by storm and is responsible for both increased ticket sales and heartburn when it became a menu item at the Gateway Grizzlies baseball games in Sauget, Illinois. With cheese and bacon, the Luther Burger contains about 1500 calories.
I know… I know… it just doesn’t seem fair. Although there are more fattening foods out there, the infamous tuna melt needs to be on a “most fattening” list for the sheer GOTCHA factor.
Fish is good for you, right? Well, not so much when it’s a fatty fish like tuna swirled with several tablespoons of mayonnaise, topped with a few slices of cheese, and piled on top of a huge roll. Quizno’s tuna melt might just lead the fat pack with a total of 1535 calories and 110 grams of fat.
Forty Weight – The First Day
Forty Weight – The Staff Meeting
Raised in both the DC Metro Area and West Africa, Jessica Shear pulls from life experience in her quest to become one of the great essayists of her time. Failing that, she finds solace in riding her motorcycle and in playing with her cats and boyfriend – all requiring patience, a keen eye for obstacles and the ability to speak sweetly and slowly. A freelance writer for 15 years, Jessica’s work can be found online via Demand Media, in marketing collateral of all kinds, in Underwired, CommonGround and Hype in Type magazines…and filling her parents’ junk drawers.