Timeless Lessons from Romantic Comedies: Five Impulsive Hookups to Avoid at All Costs

By Annie Murphy

There is nothing quite as uncomfortable as the aftermath of a random hook up. Extenuating circumstances may lead to a walk down the aisle, but more often than not it leads to a walk of shame. That little voice in your head is whispering to cease and desist, but a chorus of hormones drowns it out with a resounding, “I need to get laid!” The momentary temptation trumps reason and voila, you’ve earned your one-night stand merit badge.

The most awkward hook up scenario takes center stage in the Season 6 premiere of the nostalgic and dead-on 90’s throwback show, Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, now in its final season on KoldCast TV. After five juicy seasons, OJBG continues to ooze guilty pleasures buzzing with nostalgic anecdotes that take us back to our Nirvana days. The show follows a group of teenagers from 1994 to 1997 in Washington D.C. and all the drama that unfolds from their house parties, games of truth or dare, and ill-fated hook ups, among other scandalous teenage activity.

You are watching the Season 6 Premiere of teen drama series
Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden, “Summer of ‘97”

Watch the next episode, “Friends Gone AWOL”

As this last season unfolds, it’s anyone’s guess how stars Sarah, Chloe and Adrian will handle their newfound little love triangle. The takeaway here is that things get complicated when you get bi-curious, especially after getting engaged. Lets get up close and personal with this and other cringe-worthy hook up scenarios seen in film.

The Taken One

Forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, but that sweetness may pack a punch… in the face. People want what they can’t have because their fantasies are often far more glamorous than reality. If Rick Springfield had actually gotten “Jessie’s Girl”, he would have lost his best friend, she wouldn’t live up to his expectations, and there would be a soundtrack vacuum in virtually every 80’s movie. Taylor Swift is another artist who can’t seem to stop singing about other girls nabbing up her soul mate. You could play her waiting game but also miss out on another special someone. Stick to the unattached; the ones who you can actually build a reality with over the long run. The other option – the fantasy – vanishes as soon as a significant other finds out.

In Love Actually, Colin Firth finds true love and ESL with his housekeeper after learning his girlfriend and brother had an affair.

The Roommate/Neighbor/Co-Worker

While it may be convenient, hooking up with someone in close quarters is not the most prudent move. Hermit, homeless, jobless…these are the possible side effects of this unfortunate decision. If things turn sour (as they usually do) there is nowhere to hide. You are guaranteed to bump into this person every single day. Once flirtatious encounters turn into landmines that are bound to explode around every corner. Just wait until you bring a new date around after you think the awkwardness subsided. Everyone in your vicinity is sure to find out and start the line of questioning.

Step-siblings Sarah Michelle Gellar and Ryan Phillippe not only break the “no roommates” rule in Cruel Intentions, but start bending “no incest” as well.

The Platonic Friend

It’s refreshing to nurture a platonic friendship without all that sex on the mind. Your mutual love of video games, tacos and dub-step fuel your admiration for one another. Finally, someone you can be yourself around without worrying about looking sexy or smelling great – a true friendship based on trust and common interests. That is a very narrow bridge to walk, and most of the time people slip, inevitably making the fatal mistake of hooking up with their perfect friend. Suddenly an effortless friendship mutates into a game of emotional poker.

Romantic comedies have been painting a happily-ever-after portrait of this quagmire forever, but in the real world it takes years for that awkwardness to subside. Don’t get us wrong, friendship is a great foundation for a relationship. If you are not careful however, you may end up losing a true friend.

A naive Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis try separating sex and feelings in Friends With Benefits. Thanks in part to a flash mob, they blossom into lovers and movie stars.

The Virgin

While unchartered territory is exciting, the newness of the experience leaves a lot up in the air, usually way more than someone looking for a quickie will want to deal with. The emotional baggage you’ll be carrying away from that experience comes with a large checking fee. The hook up is definitely not as casual for the uninitiated as it is for you, and, if you treat it that way, you could do some real damage. Whether you like it or not, you will be forever imprinted on their life so handle with care. Ok, enough with the suitcase analogies. The point is that swiping someone’s V-card is a lot of responsibility for a random hook up. If you aren’t prepared to handle all the stress that comes with taking someone’s virginity, you may want to think twice before hopping into bed with a newbie.

Steve Carrel attempts painfully awkward sex, literally, for the first time in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

The Slut/Manwhore

Even a long, scalding shower can’t wash off the shame gathered after a hook up with the town bicycle. The morning after is full of panic and if it goes too far, even a little trip to the doctor. Hopefully you were wise enough to use protection, but wisdom didn’t get you into this mess, did it? Then comes the rumor mill, churning out all the dirty details of your hook up. Whether they’re true or false isn’t the point. You are guilty by association. What constitutes a promiscuous person is different for everyone, so a good rule of thumb is to look for a hookup worth the challenge. In other words, look for someone who knows their own worth.

Sex and the City’s Kim Cattrall has been around a New York City block more times than a yellow cab. But you know what, she owns it.

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Orange Juice in Bishop’s Garden from Season 1!

Annie Murphy has been obsessed with writing since she learned English at age seven. Originally from Burma, Annie’s unique background gives her a fresh perspective and voice. She has an addictive personality, mainly with TV shows, Flaming Hot Lime Cheetos and gangsta rap.