8 Fast Food Nightmares

By Aydrea Walden, Feb 22, 2012 in Offbeat

No one goes to a fast food restaurant expecting the highest quality food or refined service. And, we all know, or should know, that most fast foods really aren’t that good for us, and that we’re rolling the dice in terms of how we’re going to feel when we’re done eating a fast food meal.

Even with those caveats, it’s amazing how often fast food manages to surprise us with its grossness. Whether that grossness is due to simple human error or a complicated combination of human anger, frustration, boredom, and a food production system that probably needs an overhaul, it’s a subject that’s explored in the new, original Internet television series, Forty-Weight. In the show, a group of Portlanders are stuck working at a fast food joint and find themselves at the mercy of their customers… or do they?

Forty-Weight: The Interview

We’re not saying the Forty-Weight characters are responsible for any of the things listed, but here are 8 fast food nightmares that could become an unsuspecting customer’s reality.

Taco with “Red Sauce”

A woman who visited a Louisville, KY combination KFC/Taco Bell was halfway through her meal when she noticed an extra condiment on her taco wrapper. It looked like blood. The woman called Taco Bell hoping to have her terrifying theory disproven. Unfortunately, she was correct. The restaurant did not do the illegal, but logical, thing and deny, then cover up the truth. Instead, management righteously and promptly told the woman that a line worker had cut his finger and, instead of grabbing a Band-Aid, wiped his life juice on the inside of the wrapper. Yuck! A bloody taco.

McLobster

If you’re looking to enjoy lobster, there are a billion places you might want to visit before heading to McDonald’s for your lobster fest. But just in case every one of those billion restaurants is closed when you’re ready to feast, the folks at the Golden Arches want you to have a lobster option. Not only is the concept of fast food lobster disturbing, the $7.00+ price that McD’s tagged the meal with also makes little sense. It’s just too pricey for typical McDonald’s fare, and it’s not pricey enough to make anyone think that lobster is not made of 100% food poisoning.

If the Transfats Don’t Kill You, This Might

You can generally assume that the most dangerous thing about a fast food meal would be the toxic level of fat, salt and preservatives in it. But sometimes, the most dangerous thing in the meal is a 7-inch-long murder weapon. A man at a Subway Restaurant in Queens, New York, was a few bites into his foot-long when he came teeth-to-blade with a knife that had managed to become baked into the bread. “Yeah, make that a #3 and add some tongue to that will ya?”

But Yeah, the Fats Will Kill You, Too!

It’s no secret that fast food can be bad for you. But sometimes, you just have to indulge, anyway. When the urge strikes, consider eating almost anything except the Double Six Dollar Burger from Carl’s Junior. This meaty monstrosity manages to mix more than 1,520 calories and 111 grams of fat into a midday meal. Perhaps it should come with a Groupon coupon to a local cardiologist!

Chicken McHeads

There’s little to add to the simplest facts contained in this story that would make fast food more horrifying than it is. This fried chicken head was discovered in a meal where fried chicken wings should have been. The woman who it was served to had quite a bit to squawk about.

KFC: Kentucky Finally Cracked!

Sometimes what’s scariest about fast food is not what you accidentally find in it, but what companies actually put on their menus. You remember the Double Down, right? The insane “sandwich” that KFC decided to unleash on the world a couple of years ago. For those who never had the pleasure, let me introduce you to it. The Double Down is a bacon and cheese sandwich with two fried chicken patties for bread. Oddly enough, it’s one of the lighter calorie meals available. But still!

Jack in the Box Jokers

A group of young employees at an Oregon Jack in the Box decided to liven up some lunches one day by putting some ‘extras’ in the food they were serving. On the menu that day: acid, hair, phlegm, saliva and staples! Yum.

Hey, maybe our Forty-Weight Portlanders know something about this!

Popeye’s Fried Mouse?

If at first you don’t succeed… why bother trying to get your mouse infestation under control? That must have been the philosophy at a Baltimore Popeye’s Fried Chicken. The particular restaurant had twice been closed for rodent and other sanitation problems, but clearly didn’t learn their lesson. When a customer ordered a 3-piece chicken nugget meal they found the first two pieces were fine, but the third, however, was a fried mouse nugget. An eye-popping discovery for sure!

Forty-Weight: The First Day

Watch the next episode of comedy series FORTY-WEIGHT

Editor’s Note:

In some parts of the world the very things that gross American’s out provide sustenance to the population, if not a treat. Check this out:

UnRestricted – Eating Tarantulas

A former Seattle Times news reporter, Aydrea has since written for Nickelodeon, NBC/Universal, Highlander Films, Hawaii Film Partners, Makers Studios, iO West, The Second City Los Angeles, NowWrite! Screenwriting and Disney.